The original blog that inspired my weekly column in Connect Savannah
After posting yesterday’s blog, it suddenly hit me: I’m nobody’s mommy.
That made me cry hard.
A still, small voice said, “You still have the cat.” That made me cry even harder.
There’s a reason they say that dogs have owners and cats have staff: cats belong to nobody but themselves. PJ belonged to the world. Everywhere she went, people would stop what they were doing just to come and love her. That same strangers’ litany of “Awww…cute!” that drew me to her on the ASPCA sidewalk continued with her throughout her lifetime.
When PJ’s daddy and I moved in together in 2001, I was a cat person: solitary, mercurial, afraid to let anyone get close. He was a dog person: always happy, always loving, always loyal.
Even though we parted six years later, we still remain friends. To this day, I have yet to hear him utter a bad word about anyone he’s ever loved, no matter how badly they’ve hurt him.
PJ and her daddy have forever changed me with their canine love.
Today I am nobody’s mommy, nobody’s girlfriend. I have lost the best friend who unconditionally loved me through a break-up, a house fire, a mugging, credit card theft, drug addicts (plural) passed out in the lobby of my apartment building and other banner moments during my tenure on the number one Crack dealing block in New York City.
I can’t go back to the cat person I once was. I am loyal. I am loving.
I am empty.
I have no idea how to fill myself up again, but I must. Life can’t go on when I refuse to move forward.